15 Quotes & Sayings By Adam Carolla

Adam Carolla is an American comedian, radio personality, and television host. He is best known for his podcast The Adam Carolla Show and popular radio show The Adam Carolla Podcast.

1
My feeling is this whole country is founded on the principle of 'if you are not hurting anyone, and you're not fucking with someone else's shit, and you are paying your taxes, you should be able to just do what you want to do.' It's the freedom and the independence. Adam Carolla
2
One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I'm not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What's the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you're taking a shit? You're going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis. Adam Carolla
3
You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic. Adam Carolla
4
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. Adam Carolla
5
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.' Adam Carolla
6
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much. Adam Carolla
7
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it. Adam Carolla
8
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. Adam Carolla
9
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is. Adam Carolla
10
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. Adam Carolla
11
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was? Adam Carolla
12
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything. Adam Carolla
13
My first car was a motorcycle. Adam Carolla
14
You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. Adam Carolla